It’s 1:00am. I am awake in the middle of the night and I’m not happy about it. I normally don’t go to bed until around this time, but tonight is different. I went to bed around 9pm tonight and just woke up a little while ago. I feel like I could use several more hours of sleep, but I’m completely awake now. I can’t go back to sleep.
To pass the time, I started going through the favorites list on my computer. I rewatched this video that I had found earlier in the week:
If you do nothing else today, watch this video.
The more I think about it, the more I am in awe of the position that God has placed me in. Surely He couldn’t want ME to be a worship leader. Doesn’t He realize that I’m the least of my entire congregation? Doesn’t He know that I struggle with issues like everybody else? Aren’t worship leaders supposed to be better than that? Aren’t worship leaders supposed to have it together? So why did He choose me?!
I am being brought very far outside my comfort zone. I have always been comfortable singing in front of people. The stage is a second home to me. But there’s so much more to leading worship. So much more. I’m being called to a deeper level. Deeper than I’ve ever been. I know my own limitations and I know that I can’t do this alone. I am incapable. I have to depend on Him. I have to trust that He will accomplish His purposes with me and with our church.
I read recently that worship leaders are like doorkeepers. We stand at the doorway to the Holy of Holies and invite people inside to worship with us. What an awesome responsibility! What an awesome privilege! That the Creator of everything would use me in that capacity is beyond my understanding.
There’s so much that I don’t know. There’s so many spiritual mountains I haven’t climbed yet. And still He chooses to use me. But even knowing all my limitations and shortcomings, I know that He is still WHO HE IS. He is capable of taking my meager service and turning it into something good. He is still able to use even me.
I may not have it all together, but I have figured out one essential thing….He is WORTHY. He is everything. He is not only the Creator of all things, but He is the REASON for all things. He is WHO HE IS. When everything is going good around me, He is God. When everything is falling apart around me, He is STILL God. Regardless of my circumstances, my feelings about myself or my situations, I will worship Him. I will worship Him for Who He is. I will fall down at the foot of the cross in complete awe of Him. I will enter into the Holy of Holies and adore Him.
Maybe I’m awake in the middle of the night for a reason. Maybe He is giving me some quiet time to reflect on Him. Maybe I need to carry this awe with me throughout the day today. Maybe I just need to put everything aside for a while and focus on Him. FOR HE IS WORTHY.