Mattie sent me this email a couple of weeks ago and I wanted to share it with you. I’ve heard it said before that “humor is the truth taken too far.” So now I’m wondering which is funnier…what the email says or the fact that I’m reading it and actually saying, “Well, duh. Doesn’t everybody do that?” But I will say that I did spend most of my life thinking that certain things in Louisiana are the same everywhere, only to discover when I moved away that we really are a culture all our own. For instance, did you know that moss doesn’t grow on trees everywhere in the country? It’s true! And did you know that kids in other states don’t get out of school for Mardi Gras or the first day of squirrel season? It may be hard to believe, but it is true!
So here you go…..Mattie’s email. Enjoy! (my comments in red)
THANGS I LARNED WILE LIVIN IN LUSIANA 1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in LOUISIANA.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in LOUISIANA plus a couple no one’s seen before.
4. If it grows – it sticks; if it crawls – it bites. (or in the case of red bugs, both)
5. Onced and twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy. (duh!)
7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
8. People actually grow and eat okra. (especially in gumbo!)
9. Fixinto is one word (learned they don’t do this in other states. crazy, i know)
10. There is no such thing as ‘lunch’. There is only dinner and then there is supper.
11. Ice tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar! (this happens to be my 2yr old’s fave drink)
12. Backards and forwards means ‘I know everything about you.’
13. Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning ‘Did you eat?’
14. You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until youu’re done or it’s too dark to see.
15. You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH them. (my mother thought this was particularly funny…..I just thought it was common sense)
YOU KNOW YOUR FROM LOUISIANA IF:
1. You measure distance in minutes. (of course. it’s 45 min to Natchitoches, 2hours to Shreveport, etc…..I have no clue how many miles that is….does anybody?)
2. You’ve ever had to switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day. (YESTERDAY I switched from heat to AC to heat again all in one day!)
3. You use ‘fix’ as a verb. Example: ‘I’m fixing to go to the store ‘ (found out they don’t do this other places. weirdos.)
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal. (and really, what else is there?)
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a ‘DAWG’ is..
7. You carry jumper cables in your car…for your OWN car. (I don’t see why this is funny. I really don’t.)
8. You only own five spices: Tony’s (Chachere?), salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup. (In my opinion, Tony’s is the closest thing to perfect offered on the market. Why bother with anything else?)
9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit ‘a little warm’. (True, but push it to 101 and I’m looking for the A/C)
12. You know all four seasons: Deer Season, Duck Season, Crawfish Season, Summer. (I’m on the prowl now for some good crawfish. Who’s having a crawfish boil they want to invite me to? Anybody? I’ll bring the corn & potatoes!)
13. You know whether another LOUISIANIAN is from, north or south as soon as they start talking (speaking). (Turns out this kind of thing can’t be done in other states. Shocked me! Also, why feel the need to clarify that “talking” means “speaking.” Doesn’t it mean that everywhere? Seriously, doesn’t it?)
14. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as ‘goin’ Wal-martin’ or ‘off to Wally World’. (If you read my post yesterday about celebrating by going to dinner & Wal-Mart, then you know this is absolutely true. So sad.)
15. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather. (Well, duh.)
16. A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop…it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: ‘What kinda coke you want?’ (I’ll never forget living in Oklahoma and offering my sister in law a drink. She says, “I’ll take a Coke.” I said, “Okay, what kind? I’ve got grape, orange, Dr. Pepper…..” She just looks at me like I’m crazy.)
17. Fried catfish is the other white meat. (You mean, it isn’t?!)
18. We don’t need no stinking driver’s ed….if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
19. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from LOUISIANA
(and those who just wish they were). Not EVERYONE can be a LOUISIANIAN,
it’s an art form and a gift from God (Amen!)