My family had a surprise trip this past weekend. Well, it wasn’t a surprise to everyone else, just me. My daughter, Stefani, goes to school in Texas and it’s about time for her to start, so the trip was to bring her there. I knew it was coming very quickly, I just wasn’t expecting so soon.
Every time she leaves, it’s as though a peice of me goes with her, and I don’t get that piece back until she returns. I suppose every mother feels that way when their children leave home, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. The empty spot she leaves behind can only be filled by her. I can busy myself all I like and think on other things all day long, but that empty spot is still there, painfully obvious.
I look at my life today and wonder what it will be like when all of my children have left home. So much of my day-to-day life is wrapped up in them….meeting their immediate needs, planning for their future needs. It seems everything I do somehow revolves around them.
Oh don’t get me wrong, I still have things that are just for me. I enjoy crafts (though much of what I make is for the kids LOL) and I play games and such (though the kids introduced me to most of them). But everything I do that matters, the cooking, cleaning, gardening, budgeting, etc….it all comes back to meeting their needs the best way I know how.
What happens when they are grown and gone? Do I keep doing the same things I do now with the same passion? Or will the joy in it be completely gone when there is no one left to do it for? Oh I suppose I’ll have plenty of grandchildren and there will always be friends and neighbors who need help with things. But with the house empty, will the strong desire still be there?
I have plenty of years before that happens, of course. But lately it seems that the years are flying past me. Trying to hold on to them is like trying to grab a puff of wind. I can’t hold back time any more than I can hold back the ocean waves. And knowing how quickly time is passing, I’m trying to relish each moment. Though, with the busyness of life, I find that I sometimes have to remind myself to do that.
I suppose these are thoughts every parent has had. Obviously they mostly turn out okay. The seasons of life are changing for me in some ways that I wasn’t prepared for though, and I’m still sorting out in my heart what to do with each new season that comes.
Thankfully, I have a Savior who is ever present, so I’m never alone during these changes. I have a husband who is heads above most men, who I am honored to have as mine. I have children, regardless of age, who still hug me in public and have no idea how much joy that brings to me. I have friends who are precious to me and truly care about my well-being. I have fertile soil in the back yard, good income from my husband’s work, a comfortable home in a safe neighborhood, and every creature comfort one could hope for.
I am truly content with what today brings. I think rather than ponder the emotions of the future, I should simply plan as best I can for the needs of the future and wait until it comes to deal with the emotions. For now, I am satisfied with the joys of today.